Love Letters From Pronk is an ongoing series where Pronk shares his love for somebody connected to the Cubs. Sometimes funny, sometimes weird, Pronk likes to make 100% sure people know that they are loved, and best expresses that through gushing letters. This week, we're featuring special Love Letters from other members of Cubs DNA staff to celebrate Valentine's Day!
I was a mere Twitter virgin when I first laid eyes on you, interacting with Cubs fans and laying waste to trolls and throwing shade at other teams with the type of skill I could only dream of mastering. It was instantaneous love at first sight--I knew you would be my most obsessive follow, and to this day that hasn't changed.
Throughout the years my love for you has only grown. Whether you're taking questions during a rain delay...
...or keeping receipts on an angry fan who thinks he's a better manager than, you know, the manager...
...or snarking on fans about their lineup grousing...
...you've shown yourself time and time again to be my perfect online sports soulmate. And unlike some of those other MLB social media accounts, your tone is always perfect, your fan interactions always on point, and you always leave me wanting more.
Then last year you got really serious about your video content. It was like each week, you had a new adventure ready just for me... whether it was spending time with Willson on a ranch during the offseason, or Sparkles teaching me in the most mesmerizing way how to tie a tie, or letting us watch Kris's two loves of his life fight over him in a game show setting, or my personal favorite, The Breakdown of David Bote's walk off grand slam against the Nationals in 2018, your new commitment to video content made you sexier than ever. And that's saying something, because you were already the sexiest beast in sports social media.
And don't think you have me fooled, #AtCubs. Unlike other fans who think you're just some intern, I know you're so much more than that. Hiding behind that internet curtain of perfectly-timed snark and sometimes tardy lineup announcements is a team of cute beard guys, blonde goddesses and an entire crew of production masterminds working around the clock to keep fans like me teased and tantalized for the next big baseball moment. You, my dear #AtCubs, are a baseball love machine that's well-oiled for our pleasure, and it's why we keep coming back again, and again, and again.
Just know that I would happily be your 5-hole any day of the week, #AtCubs. You don't even have to ask.