Trade Alert: Rizzo To The Brewers

Well, that's that. Anthony Rizzo has been traded to the Milwaukee Brewers. After rejecting the Cubs fair offer of 5 years and $70 million, Anthony Rizzo requested and was swiftly given a trade. He will join the Milwaukee Brewers, giving them an instant upgrade over Dan Vogelbach.

In a pleasant twist, the Cubs got more back than some teenage prospects. Coming back in the trade is former MVP Ryan Braun. As an established big league hitter, he figures to have a strong presence in the Cubs lineup. Braun figures to return to his MVP form after recent chemical therapy. His MVP history being something Rizzo never accomplished.

Anthony Rizzo was pleased with the turn of events. He is on record saying "I'm glad to be moving up to Wrigley North. Great cheese and beer is always a blast. I love sausage, so it's a natural fit for Kevin as well.

I appreciate my time in Chicago, but I am done with Jed. After he traded for me twice, it was due for this to happen. Two steps forward, one step backwards. Oh well. Cubs fans are doo doo heads anyways."

Rizzo figures to do a dual ESPN body issue cover with established hottie Christian Yelich. Just imagine it.