Scott Boras, self-styled MLB Super Agent, had his post-Winter Meetings presser on Tuesday via Zoom. This was a little different, of course, necessarily due to COVID--typically he'd be surrounded in a media scrum, delivering platitudes and whipping up crazy metaphors like Willy Wonka makes candy.
Some of them have such a good beat you can even dance to them!
Although the presser was scrum-free, it certainly wasn't free of Boras's usual colorful analogies, ambiguity and opinions about various teams around the league, the Cubs not excepted. Also as usual, while Boras said a whole lot of words, it was hard to decipher whether he actually said anything of actual use at all. With that in mind, allow me to present my version of the Scott Boras Translator.
Translation: "I need to do business with the Cubs so I need to be nice to Jed."
The Cubs still have one of Boras's biggest clients, Kris Bryant, on their roster. They're also reportedly interested in Jackie Bradley, Jr. (more on that in a bit) and should be looking at a bounce back guy for their rotation like James Paxton. The Bryant situation is interesting (more on that in a sec, too), and Boras still needs to get his guys signed in this weird COVID economy. Plus, maybe he just likes Jed. I like Jed. Not enough to call him "Jedi," but still.
Translation: "I have no idea what the Cubs are doing with Kris Bryant, but I hope like heck that he rebounds in 2021 so we can both get paid in 2022."
I don't personally believe the Cubs are going to trade Sparkles this offseason for a number of reasons, no matter how much I think he'd actually be better off. Still, I do think he needs to prove to some people that he's still the player I know he is so he can get the contract he deserves once he hits free agency. You can bet Boras agrees with me.
Translation: "The Cubs cut guys, and need guys, and I have guys. Sign my guys!"
Contrary to popular social media belief, the Cubs aren't in as dire straits as you might think. Boras did get something right here when he talked about how much talent is still on the Cubs roster, but they definitely need to fill it out for the future. And he has guys. Oh, so many guys. That need jobs. Hire his guys, Cubs!
Translation: "You never know from one season to the next if JBJ will be able to hit, but you'll still have to pony up for that GG caliber defense, suckers!"
Yes, Bradley is one of the best center field defenders in the game, but he's had exactly three seasons out of eight in the majors where he's had a wRC+ above 100. (One of those was 2020, by the way.) If you're looking for a consistent bat, this isn't your guy, especially if you need someone to hit lefties (*AHEM CUBS BACK AWAY*).
Translation: "Dombrowski likes to spend money. I like to make money. Call me, Dave!"
It's no secret that Dave Dombrowski is a guy who isn't shy about signing free agents, and since Boras has a whole bunch who'd like to be signed in a tough market, it's in his best interests to fluff the new Phillies POBO as much as possible.
Translation: "Steve Cohen is filthy rich. Let's boogie!"
It's in Boras's best interests to say as many nice things as possible about MLB's richest owner, especially since Cohen allegedly wants his beloved Mets to be winners for a change. Boras wants money, Cohen has money--it's a match made in MLB greed heaven!
So that's it for the inaugural edition of the Scott Boras Translator. Maybe I'll bring it back in the future when the Bot Boras activates for additional MLB platitudes!